feeling inadequate

Top, BR
skirt via NordstromRack
wedges via zulily (love these!)
YSL wallet on chain, exact style

If there is something I do not like about medicine -- it's the feeling of inadequacy.
With such a vast spectrum of knowledge and information, we, physicians have to acquire and continuously learn, there's just no way in the world, we can retain all that information. I wish I am a walking encyclopedia or medical journal but I am not.
The feeling of inadequacy got less and less as I acquired more experience... as I saw more cases and patients... as I have applied the book knowledge to the real world.

However, there are some days -- ie like today -- that awful feelings of insecurity and doubt cloud my mind and lower my confidence.
honestly, it's not like somebody died in my watch or I missed a brain tumor. I am actually pretty thorough and comprehensive (or I try to be!). My boss has said that I am a good clinician -- I will take his word.
But when smart people question my decision-making - whoa. I start doubting my capabilities.
I am my worst critic.
I am the type of person who if I competed in the Olympics, I better get gold or I am a failure.
So when I saw people so excited about their silver medal -- I am truly puzzled. Heck, that's not a gold. that's not good enough.



It's only Wednesday and I am already done for the week.
Let's just say, I am glad I am not on call tonight so I was ok drinking a glass of wine.
These are the rest of my coping check-list:
I had my outfit of the day photos done. I am blogging. I got to stay home with the children. I get to kiss my babies. I get to hug hubs.
And the patient I was fretting about was sent home after all work-up was done and negative.
breathe a sigh of relief!


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