Derrick's wise words

Me: gosh, another $40 for my criminal background check. Tons of fees for licensing! I'm not making the big bucks yet!
Derrick: they don't know your criminal background?
Because you stole my heart!
Me: gagging. Choking.... Help!

D: hmmm... they got a new guy for that grey book. Is that forty shades?
Me: fifty shades of gray.
(I'm actually proud that he doesn't have a clue about the title of the book)

Me: wow, Jesus is floating. ~~ pointing to a Paper Jesus propped on our window.
D: no, he's rising.
(Catholic friends, get it?)

Me: the word of the year is selfie.
D: what's a selfie?
(He's actually serious.... Coming from someone without an account on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest)

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