a letter

There are lots of regrets.

Wish I was there during your hospitalization 

Should have I done more? When you were still alive? when you were still hospitalized?

Wish I was there when you finally made it back home 

Wish I called you when you said you were admitted. 

Wish I examined you and maybe I could have caught and diagnosed your symptoms.

I should have tried harder. I should have called you more instead of relying on my posts as updates. 

There are lots of memories. 
I scroll on your feed and see that you always shared and posted about our children. You were so proud of them. You treated them as your very own grandchildren. You were never just the sister of their Lola. You claimed the name, Lola Mary Ann, with so much pride. 
You believed in me and were so proud of my achievements. 
You were consulting with me, asking me questions about meds, what vaccines to take, even asking questions about your rheum and SLE meds.  You did not care that I was just a pediatric neurologist. I am the best doctor in your eyes. 
You gave the best hugs. You showed me and Lady that it is ok to cry and show emotions. 
I admit that I took this for granted but you were always a giver. You served and showed kindness to us and to others.
You changed my diapers. You rocked me to sleep. You fed me so many bottles and baby food. You cooked the best meals. You braided my hair. You cheered me on and you were there in the audience no matter what event. You went to lots of parent-teacher meetings. You stayed up helping me finish lots of grade school projects. 
You made sure Lady and I had the prettiest dresses and shoes. 
You arranged and organized everything. Lady and I were very spoiled. We had to grow up fast once we moved to the US because again, I took this for granted but you and Mama Consing did everything for me and Lady. 
You may have been the youngest child but you sure grew up fast  since at 23 years old you had a preschooler and a toddler to take care of. From that age, you watched me and Lady grow until we moved when you were 35 years old.  I did not think that until Lady pointed out that you spent your 20s and 30s taking care of us. You could have traveled, gone back to school, done something else instead of  being our mom. 
But we are forever grateful you did not do that. Having you as one of our moms was a gift. We had you as our teacher. Once we were grown up and you pursued your Education degree, we knew it was definitely your calling. You were patient with us. Your pupils were blessed to have had you as their teacher.

Mama, I pray you are hugging your four babies right now, loving and kissing them. I pray you see Jesus' face because that is the ultimate reward for all the love you gave me, Lady, Mama and Lolo and JC. I am glad you were able to meet four of my babies. Isabel misses you. She has fond memories of you and her big trip.  I will I could tell you all this in person. We love you, Mama.    

Mary Ann L. Calilung, 55, of Natividad Guagua Pampanga went to heaven on February 21, 2021 due to complications of stroke. She was surrounded by family and died peacefully in her sleep. She held on long enough to come back home. 

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1 comment:

  1. Oh Sarah I'm so sorry to hear this, praying for her soul and for your consolation ❤️


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