Lucas' birthday wishlist

If it is pink --> it's a link. 

BT21 shirt in true royal, size small

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discount codes

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Hi friends!
I am fortunate to be collaborating with lots  of companies and brands that I truly enjoy and recommend. Here's the one-stop discount code page for easy access.

Be A Heart - 10% off for new customers with code: disisd10
Beautycounter - 20% off for first time customers with code: CLEANFORALL20 
Birdies - $20 off for your first purchase - just tap the link.
Care/Of products - 50% off first order with code: SARAHID50
Dottie Couture Boutique - 20% off your purchase with code: disisd20
HisGloryCo - 20% off code disisd20
Little Martin's Drawer - use code SARAH20 for 20% off your order
Rothy's - $20 off your first purchase - here's the link again. 
XOMandySue - 30% off your entire purchase using code: disisd30

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the despair was real

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There are a lot of talking points after Oprah’s interview with MxH but one thing that struck me most was the feeling of hopelessness and survivability. 

It is true that one will never know what truly happens behind closed doors. Behind the smiles and the extravagant clothes, you can find pain and hopelessness and sadness.

I am a cheerful and optimistic person. When I had the worst of my depression,  I had thoughts of guilt and hopelessness. I had suicidal thoughts.

You may think: what is she sad about? She has a wonderful husband and healthy children? She has all these clothes, shoes and purses? Why is she sad and depressed and wanting to end her life? 

I was asked and told those things. 

In truth, when one is in the pit of despair whatever might have triggered it, the illness is real. For me, my trigger was multifactorial. I had a baby who had a different temperament than my previous one. I had trouble losing postpartum weight which affected my mood. I worked 80-hour work weeks during residency treating real, scary medical diagnoses. ICU patients were sick and at death’s door. It was the perfect storm for my already anxious mind. It wasn’t a light switch but instead a slow, progression to the bottom. 

 Now that I am feeling better, I know that it is ridiculous to end my life. It is a horrible thought. But at that moment, during that season, the despair is real. The thoughts were real. 

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts:

- ASK FOR HELP. It took me a long time to ask but I’m glad I did. I was ashamed and afraid that I was “weak.” Now I know those are the thoughts of a troubled mind. I wasn’t weak to ask for help. Making an appt to see the psychologist, calling the doctor, that was a step not just for me but also for my family. 

If you can do something today, ask one person how they are doing. Really, really wait for their answer. Check up on a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile. Let them know you are present to hear,  not just the peaks and joys of their lives, but the valleys, the pit of despair they might be in. 

📷: @dianastlouis 

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a letter

There are lots of regrets.

Wish I was there during your hospitalization 

Should have I done more? When you were still alive? when you were still hospitalized?

Wish I was there when you finally made it back home 

Wish I called you when you said you were admitted. 

Wish I examined you and maybe I could have caught and diagnosed your symptoms.

I should have tried harder. I should have called you more instead of relying on my posts as updates. 

There are lots of memories. 
I scroll on your feed and see that you always shared and posted about our children. You were so proud of them. You treated them as your very own grandchildren. You were never just the sister of their Lola. You claimed the name, Lola Mary Ann, with so much pride. 
You believed in me and were so proud of my achievements. 
You were consulting with me, asking me questions about meds, what vaccines to take, even asking questions about your rheum and SLE meds.  You did not care that I was just a pediatric neurologist. I am the best doctor in your eyes. 
You gave the best hugs. You showed me and Lady that it is ok to cry and show emotions. 
I admit that I took this for granted but you were always a giver. You served and showed kindness to us and to others.
You changed my diapers. You rocked me to sleep. You fed me so many bottles and baby food. You cooked the best meals. You braided my hair. You cheered me on and you were there in the audience no matter what event. You went to lots of parent-teacher meetings. You stayed up helping me finish lots of grade school projects. 
You made sure Lady and I had the prettiest dresses and shoes. 
You arranged and organized everything. Lady and I were very spoiled. We had to grow up fast once we moved to the US because again, I took this for granted but you and Mama Consing did everything for me and Lady. 
You may have been the youngest child but you sure grew up fast  since at 23 years old you had a preschooler and a toddler to take care of. From that age, you watched me and Lady grow until we moved when you were 35 years old.  I did not think that until Lady pointed out that you spent your 20s and 30s taking care of us. You could have traveled, gone back to school, done something else instead of  being our mom. 
But we are forever grateful you did not do that. Having you as one of our moms was a gift. We had you as our teacher. Once we were grown up and you pursued your Education degree, we knew it was definitely your calling. You were patient with us. Your pupils were blessed to have had you as their teacher.

Mama, I pray you are hugging your four babies right now, loving and kissing them. I pray you see Jesus' face because that is the ultimate reward for all the love you gave me, Lady, Mama and Lolo and JC. I am glad you were able to meet four of my babies. Isabel misses you. She has fond memories of you and her big trip.  I will I could tell you all this in person. We love you, Mama.    

Mary Ann L. Calilung, 55, of Natividad Guagua Pampanga went to heaven on February 21, 2021 due to complications of stroke. She was surrounded by family and died peacefully in her sleep. She held on long enough to come back home. 

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our Lady in a rose garden

Letter for Rose Mary Ann~

Happy due date, Rose. 
I chose this artwork because of you. That's Our Lady with baby Jesus in a rose garden. The painting is created by a French artist named Simon Saint-Jean in the mid-1800s. My favorite color is pink and the roses here have different shades of pink. 

For now, this artwork will be in mummy and daddy's room. When you get older, if you'd like you can bring it to your home. 


Thank you Photowall for sponsoring this post. 
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